One of the best things about keeping this blog and practicing the daily commitment of it has been asking myself each morning, ” What is real? What is true today?” Having to check in and be honest with myself and dig out a nugget of truth seems to always bring me before God in a REAL and meaningful way. It has helped me to create a time of reflection, study and prayer that I was struggling to find before.
That being said, sometimes what I unearth and dust off SUCKS.
Sometimes, what God shows me about myself is not flattering or fun to share. But REAL is what I must be, so here we are.

I have been exploring confidence.
What it looks like, feels like, sounds like.
How is it attained and kept? How is it dashed?
I’ve been wondering why it seems so fleeting.
To be solid and sure and heading in the right direction one minute only to find you’ve allowed yourself to be tossed to and fro. The bible warns against this, calling it childish. Eluding to shady behaviors, teachings and trickery causing the doubt and questioning. It conjures images of being cold and wet. Unsure of your footing. Exhausted from gripping and holding on tight enduring a raging storm on the sea. Waves crashing down all around. Left wondering what the heck happened to the calm, sunlit and promising course you were JUST on?

“…so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes.” -Ephesians 4:14 ESV

What is true today?

I have lost my confidence.
I have been out of bounds.
I have been slowly tricking myself into little allowances.
Little here…little there.
Deceiving myself.

“This false teaching is like a little yeast that spreads through the whole batch of dough!” – Galatians 5:9

Interestingly, the Bible teaches that leavening or yeast is a tangible picture of how sin works in our lives. In the Old Testament the practice of keeping and eating unleavened bread is meant to remind us that we are to live in sincerity and truth by obeying God’s law–that we are not continue in false religion, not to continue in sin. Not to allow ourselves to be puffed up, I would even say, not continue in deceiving ourselves.
Physically, leavening agents include yeast, bicarbonate of soda (baking soda), and baking powder. These agents “puff up” grain containing products and make them look larger than they would be otherwise. A PERECT example of false confidence instead of the true confidence that comes from doing the right thing…thus, being able to feel good and proud of your choices.

My “in-bounds” eating calls for me to avoid these very foods. The simple carbs that are the crux of my addiction. Breads, pastas, pastries of all kinds. All of that stuff! It’s NO GOOD for me. Physically or spiritually. I don’t want to be puffed up and tossed about. I want to be confident and vibrant.

The pursuit of a meaningful makeover persists! I will continue to choose each day, each hour, each minute if need be to turn the ship around and get back on course!