I could possibly bore everyone I know with writing another unimportant blog post.
This fear has stunned me into a writing coma where I have slept for months,
waiting to feel a spark of inspiration that didn’t feel forced.
Why is it so quiet when it snows?
Is it because the cold hard truth makes you hold your breath and stand still?
Tell the truth?
Well here it is:
I want to make something meaningful.
Craft words and phrases of art.
The point is to move souls…
Evoke motion…to see if anyone gets me?!
Really gets me?
Im just another copy cat, trying hard to lead the way.
At the end of the day, I just want to be someone important.
I want to be triumphant.
I want an epic destiny.
I want to climb to the climax of this movie with a powerful score, and blow everyone’s minds with my tenacity.
How selfish, how selfish, how selfish.
The grip of control is tight with its counterfeit…and here I am again worried about me, me me.
My mind swirls with thoughts that are hard to package and share.
I guess thats why I’m a writer.
Lose myself to chance?
Pen to paper spilling.
Pushing me to dig deeper.
Urging me forward and I’m forced to keep up.
Stumbling across the page with my words.
I fight against what comes naturally because that’s what good girls are taught to do.
When really, lets just get real…
I’d slice throats if I had to.
I’d steal if I thought God wouldn’t care.
My darkness is ever present.
Can’t trust my instinct because its always going to be sinful.
I’ve been paralyzed on this mat for a year.
Writhing in bitter pain and pity.
Laying here waiting for a miracle.
“Get up and walk.”
Warm light of love starting to thaw my frozen heart.
Praying that this time I’ll trust and obey,
to spring up off of this bed and be healed.
“One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?” The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.” Jesus said to him, “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.” And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked.” (John 5:5-9 ESV)