I am home now after a weekend with my family in California. We always have adventures and laughs and fights. I love spending time with all of my siblings and family. It’s fun for my hubs and I to sit back and let our kids get spoiled my the grandparents. It’s good family time. Much needed. The only downfall being we always stay up too late and eat too much.
That is why I find myself frustrated this Monday morning.
I am always playing games with myself, manipulating and excusing. Making allowances to eat this or that, or 6 of them. This doesn’t seem to be problematic for anyone else in my family, but for me it is. Give me one tiny reason, and I will use it to make a sandwich or stop for a burger. It’s pathetic. You would think that all this transparency would make me more disaplined.
I know what I shouldn’t, yet I do. The age old human debacle. I know the reasons behind why I’ve formed these habits, yet here I am. Struggling this morning against making the healthy choices I need to, and wanting to keep riding the crazy train of rubbish after a fun weekend. Mad at myself for so quickly turning on all of my momentum and motivation talk from last week. Inwardly urging myself to get my big ol ass up on that wagon again.
You always hear people say “moderation”.
You wouldn’t expect an alcoholic to drink moderately on a family weekend? You would expect abstinence. But how to you abstain from eating?
You can’t. I absolutely resonate with people working the 12 steps. Part of my pursuit of a meaningful makeover has been working the steps and weaving them into my life. I have a really great workbook that I’ve been digging through for a year and I recently began going to a recovery class at a local church that may or may not prove to be a boost of help in this department. We shall see if the theology and doctrine issues will welcome or repel me. Tune in to find out. Lol.
So I find myself again, surrendering my “out of control” to the ultimate source who is He, who holds all things in balance. Created me, and is leading me toward balance.
Finding that to “get real” this morning on this blog means to go ahead and show the good, bad and ugly.
Now I’m off to make a shake. Yay?