I am home now after a weekend with my family in California. We always have adventures and laughs and fights. I love spending time with all of my siblings and family. It’s fun for my hubs and I to sit back and let our kids get spoiled my the grandparents. It’s good family time. Much needed. The only downfall being we always stay up too late and eat too much.
That is why I find myself frustrated this Monday morning.
I am always playing games with myself, manipulating and excusing. Making allowances to eat this or that, or 6 of them. This doesn’t seem to be problematic for anyone else in my family, but for me it is. Give me one tiny reason, and I will use it to make a sandwich or stop for a burger. It’s pathetic. You would think that all this transparency would make me more disaplined.
I know what I shouldn’t, yet I do. The age old human debacle. I know the reasons behind why I’ve formed these habits, yet here I am. Struggling this morning against making the healthy choices I need to, and wanting to keep riding the crazy train of rubbish after a fun weekend. Mad at myself for so quickly turning on all of my momentum and motivation talk from last week. Inwardly urging myself to get my big ol ass up on that wagon again.
You always hear people say “moderation”.
You wouldn’t expect an alcoholic to drink moderately on a family weekend? You would expect abstinence. But how to you abstain from eating?
You can’t. I absolutely resonate with people working the 12 steps. Part of my pursuit of a meaningful makeover has been working the steps and weaving them into my life. I have a really great workbook that I’ve been digging through for a year and I recently began going to a recovery class at a local church that may or may not prove to be a boost of help in this department. We shall see if the theology and doctrine issues will welcome or repel me. Tune in to find out. Lol.
So I find myself again, surrendering my “out of control” to the ultimate source who is He, who holds all things in balance. Created me, and is leading me toward balance.
Finding that to “get real” this morning on this blog means to go ahead and show the good, bad and ugly.
Now I’m off to make a shake. Yay?
A big “Yay”! Happy Monday!
Saving this one. Can totally relate
I know I’m late in commenting but…
Do you know that for a long time I didn’t even look forward to weekends because I had no backbone, I can make it all week long, no porblem. Just like clock work. But Friday night comes and all dignity goes out the window. It’s a work in progress, I didn’t get here overnight so how can I expect to just be changed? But I am changed, I just need to step into it. Dont’ beat yourself up too much though. See, you’ve learned something, you have a conviction that you didn’t have a couple of months ago.
This is just a cake walk for me, I have to stop, look, take in. If I feel bad about how I behaved (ate) then I need to thank the Lord for the revelation and let it change me.
Since the last time we hung out and all the yuck I consumed that day, I have made up my mind to go grain-free. They just don’t make me feel good anymore, but that’s a discussion for another time. I’m grateful that I felt bad so I could make a choice not to do that to myself again. I have never been one to “get” it the easy way, so it took me feeling like all-out crud to know I don’t want to do that anymore.
All the things you are doing for yourself are for the right reasons, to finish the race! I believe you are making the right steps. I’m cheering you on!
oh my! Typo after typo, this is not a cake walk, I meant this is not a cake walk for me. I won’t even bother to clear up my other mistakes.