“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
― Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC
Hunger is a complicated word for me.
I read this morning that most people who struggle with food addiction and compulsive eating should stop and ask themselves “what they are truly hungry for” before they move forward into a binge…that those who suffer from this sort of disordered eating often always feel hungry in place of whatever emotion it is they should be more appropriately feeling. Instead of feeling anger or sadness in full it most likely ends up feeling like you’re hungry. Learning at a young age to use “filling” up on food to manage complex emotions. Treatment plans to reverse this kind of compulsive behavior start with STOPING and checking in with yourself before you proceed. This discipline is HARD but one I am trying to work on.
I hope that this place God has called me to will lead me a deep gladness. To find gladness in the midst of my struggle seems only to be possible with God. Despite all my doubting I still feel deep down that what I’m enduring will not be in vain…someday I hope it brings help and healing to someone else, or meet the worlds deep hunger in a meaningful way. This makes me hopeful!
Out of some frustration this morning I wrote a prayer poem:
I’ve been hungry for calm.
Ravenous for comfort.
Today, I’m hungry for change.
Hungry for hope that lasts beyond a whispered prayer in the morning.
Hungry for peace and rest,
freedom from my mess.
I’m hungry for energy bursting and pumping through my veins.
For true confidence that unfolds from within like a fine crafted flower.
Hungry for such beauty, effortless and free.
Hunger that seems unattainable to me.
I’m hungry for longings to be true,
to see things all the way through.
Hungry for being understood.
Fully listened to before corrected.
Hungry for acceptance.
Hungry for approval.
Haven’t I been loyal?
Hungry for removal…
From the lies of these hunger pangs that aren’t real.
Lord, I know you can heal.
“‘For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world…’ Jesus declared, ‘I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry’” (John 6:33, 35a).