My newborn grief is finally sleeping through the night.

Learned I was expecting in spring,

but had ignored all of the signs.

Turned a blind eye.

Accepted the pretense,

and convinced myself of lies.

Turns out, thoughts really DO become things!

And, to my surprise,

I eventually birthed the fears

that I couldn’t stop harboring.

Trimesters of lessons.

Gestation of regret.

And, in one fell swoop,

my fatal mistakes…

still play on loop.

Breeding complications.

Violent accusations.

Devastating revelations.

Delivering the hard truth I had been avoiding all along:

pedestals fall.

And, now I am searching for meaning

in the midst of it all.

Faith, that there are always reasons

for these seasons of change.

The world lights up around me

as this year draws to an end.

Bright with the hope of

peace on earth;

and good will toward all men.

And I feel called to lay down my sword,

and choose to EMBRACE love,

once again.


So, I will swaddle and still the pain tightly with truth.

Rock it back to sleep,

with nothing left to lose.

Trusting that it might actually

be giving me…

exactly what I MUST need?

The courage to press on,

and continue to dig deep.

Releasing this NEED!

To be understood by you

to feel complete.

And, simply remember:

I am a persistent contender.

It’s a quiet surrender.

Mild and tender.

This wont last forever.

Thank you, heavenly peace.